Journals

A Letter To The Guy Who Will Never Be Mine.

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              Inhale. Exhale. Breathe. As I am typing each letters of this entry, I am listening to One Last Cry Instrumental cover- so that I would be able to feel the right emotions and write down my thoughts towards my feelings for you- to let it all out. To be honest, this is all I wanted. A goodbye letter to you. I wanted this all along, because you keep on haunting my mind and invading my heart, well in fact, you should not. I know, this is not your fault. I am not blaming you, nor blaming myself. Nobody’s fault actually, it just happened.  

           I really do not know why I was into you. I was very attached- in a way that I was able to wrote several poems for you which you never knew. I listen to beautiful melodies and all I imagined was the two of us. There’s a time that you haunt me even in my dreams- It was funny that in my dreams I was able to talked to you, eye to eye contact which in reality never happened- will never ever happen; and in my dreams I met your whole family. Funny, right? What a weird dream! There’s not a day that I never thought of you. You are always on my mind. Sounds cliche, but that’s the truth. I can only see once a week. I can only stare at you for like, 10-20 seconds but I am completely contented. I am already happy. But………….

        I already knew that it’s impossible that we could happen- that we could be friends. Even, just friends. Still not gonna happen in reality. Before, I was still hopeful that maybe someday it could be but now? Not anymore. I give up. Again, I give up. IT’S HOPELESS. You will never ever like me back. (sad thing) But, that’s ok. Uhm, I am not lying. It’s definitely fine. I am kinda sad, disappointed but I am not broken, I am not hurting inside. I am just sad. Bakit pa kasi ikaw yung napili kong magustuhan? Well, we cannot choose whom we would fall for. It just happen.

      So far,  I did not regret anything. Wasting my time on you knowing that you would never do the same. I am still thankful, because for a short period of time. I felt kilig and happy. Nang dahil sayo, mas nakilala ko ang sarili ko- na kaya ko pa lang gawin ang mga bagay na yun. Kaya, salamat. Salamat pa rin sayo. I know, you are single. I do hope you will find your happiness. Kung saan ka masaya; I wish that, we will both find our true happiness.

      Goodbye. I will no longer care anymore because if I do, paano kita makakalimutan? If ever, we will bump each other, I will pretend that I do not know you at all. Ganun ka din naman sa akin, diba? Patas lang. I will shut my feelings for you. But before that, there’s one more thing I wanted to do- just to let you know. Hopefully magawa ko siya. Sana. I will have the courage to do it. Always remember, I will never  forget that once in a lifetime, I have known you and I had feelings for you, in some way. That you are my greatest crush or my greatest infatuation. Again, good bye and live your life the way you want it.

P.S. Ang drama ko talaga. ahhaah! But I did learn something, na hindi lahat ibibigay sa yo. Kailangan mong hintayin ang talagang para sayo. In time, alam kong, ibibigay niya yun. Sa tamang panahon at pagkakataon.

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Yours truly,

J.

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Poetry

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Hanggang Kailan?

Hanggang kailan aasa?
Lagi na lang ba?
Batid kong wala itong patutunguhan
Ngunit tila di ka mawala sa aking isipan.

Hanggang kailan maghihintay?
Nais ko nang ika’y kalimutan
Araw-araw na inaasam
Mapansin mo ako aking sinta.

Dumating ang araw na sinabi kong,
“Tama na, ititigil ko na.”
Mga araw at gabi na ika’y nawaglit sa aking isipan
Ngunit, unti-unting bumabalik ang aking pagsinta.

Paano nga ba kita malilimutan?
Kung hindi kita kayang iwasan
Makita ka lang sa malayuan,
Kay sarap na sa pakiramdam.

Nasa sa aking mga kamay
Ang desisyon na dapat gawin ko na,
Ayaw ko nang umasa at maghintay
Sa katotohanang tanggap ko na, ito’y di mangyayari kailanman.

Tila panahon na lang ang makapagsasabi
Kung kailan ako bibitiw,
Pilitin ko mang kalimutan ka,
Sadyang kay hirap aking sinta.

The Sunday Currently

The Sunday Currently Vol. 16

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Hola! In my clock, it’s 15 minutes before the time ticks at 12 am. I still have my time to catch up and update my TSC entry. How our you doing guys? I hope you are doing well. Mine? well, my whole week was so productive (note sarcasm) *wink* I told myself I should be doing my requirements for my clearance so that I can have my salary but I ended up just staring at my phone and waiting for updates about JoshLia (Joshua and Julia’s tandem) I love them so much. Sila na lang ang dahilan kung bakit ako kinikilig. They are my vitamins. Urhgggg! …………. Sarap siguro ma-inlove 🙂

Now, let’s move on to the currentlies..

CURRENTLY

Reading

my blog entry for today……………….

Writing

TSC Vol 16! Yipiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!……………..

Listening

Instrumental of God Gave Me You.. This song has soo much feels. I bet , if I get married (hopefully) this will be one of my wedding song.

Thinking

Still the same thing. About my life purpose.

Smelling

None. 

Praying

I have 3 prayers, hoping God will hear me. First, I really do hope that I will pass the RQA, its a fulfillment to be part of the DepEd Family- I really wish to teach in public. Second, that God will always guide us no matter what happens; Third, I pray that God will grant the desire of my heart.

Hoping

That my prayers will be heard and granted…………………….

Wearing

white plain blouse and denim shorts…………..

Loving

The idea of being in love…….. someday.. ahha!

Wanting

at this time, I want to have some coffee! Urghh, masarap talaga mag kape!

Needing

a lot of motivation and positive thinking……………

Feeling

Fine. blessed.

And, opps. before I forgot let me share these lovely photos during our year end party held last week at Golf.

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And oh, don’t forget to join The Sunday Currently link-up by siddathornton! 

Journals

My kind of morning!

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    I am such a sleepy head! During school days I usually wake up at 6:00 am- that is super late already! Knowing that I have to arrive at 7:00 am in school. With the limited time, I still have to do much morning routine, like- taking a bath, brush my teeth (I skip my breakfast everyday cause if I would still eat, I would be super super late!) and do my make up, yes! I love make-up-and put on my uniform.

It’s been 2 days since I am not feeling well. I have cough and colds that never goes away. Earlier, I woke up at 2:26 am, I checked my phone and went online for a while. I also listen some meditation on YouTube. Then, I went to sleep, again.  Hours passed, I open my eyes, and it was already 6: 10 am (gosh!) I am late for school! So, I decided not to go to school since I am not feeling well. I will just rest and I am not in the mood to go anywhere. I just want to stay at home. Just stay at home!

I went out of my room without fixing yet my bed! (nako!) Hihiga pa naman ako mamaya, eh! hahah! I charged my phone and open my netbook while sipping my favorite! -coffee-! I really love coffee, sooo much! So, now I want to blog blog blog and blog. This is one of my escape to feel better.  I must feel better! 

Happy Wednesday morning!

Love,
Jeca

The Sunday Currently

The Sunday Currently Vol. 15

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Hi everyone! How was your weekend? I know.. I know. I am updating my TSC on a monday evening. I was about to update last night, unfortunately I fell asleep. (sarap talaga matulog!)

Now, let’s move on to the currentlies..

CURRENTLY

Reading

reading my blog entry for today.

Writing

This entry. Volume 15 na ako 😉

Listening

Insensitive by Jinky Vidal

Thinking

about him and my life’s purpose. I found out something about him- well, actually, I’ve noticed this way before but I was blinded. Now, I guess it’s time to believe. I was a bit disappointed. really. I guess I have to move on and stop thinking about him. But the problem is, I just can’t. Aside from that, what bothers my mind is my life after March 30. After my contract in Pilar College, where will God leads me? What’s my next mission in this world? God only knows.

Smelling

None. I can’t smell anything. I have colds. 😣😣😣

Praying

That God would answer my prayers.

Hoping

About my prayers and desires to soon come true.

Wearing

My mother’s printed blouse.

Loving

uhmmmmmmmmmmmm. s k i p.!

Wanting

calamansi juice!

Needing

Still, Positive thoughts!

Feeling

Not so happy- lost- disappointed.

But, I will be okay. SOON. I will be.

And oh, don’t forget to join The Sunday Currently link-up by siddathornton! 

The Sunday Currently

The Sunday Currently Vol. 14

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Hey hey hey! Time to update my TSC entry. I am sooo happy that I could finally blog. (hindi na ako tinatamad!) hahah! Though ang bagal ng wifi namin dito. Pls, wifi be good to me. Ang saya lang ng week na ‘to! We’re done with the grade 4 deliberation, akala ko talaga gigisahin ako buti na lang wala. huh! Waiting na lang sa Grade 3 deliberation! Woo! Hopefully, maging successful din. Aja!

Now, let’s move on to the currentlies..

CURRENTLY

Reading

random blogs about TCS entries.

Writing

This entry. Volume 14 na ako! yey!

Listening

All I ever need by Austine blah! Forgot his last name! hehe!I am so in love with this song- so addicted. I actually dedicate this to my crush. awww.

Thinking

About him. All the time, aw, not, most of the time. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I know it’s just a plain admiration, but. This is actually the first time I feel like this. Baliw na yata ako! Masyado na akong na-attached sa kanya. haha! I even published some poems here and that’s all about him. urggh! Lord, kayo na po ang bahala.

Smelling

None.

Praying

That my interview tomorrow will be successful!

Hoping

That my wishes and prayers will soon come true. Please, Lord. make it happen!

Wearing

Adidas dress!

Loving

This day. You know how much I love Sunday.

Wanting

Him. haha, joke!

Needing

Positive thoughts!

Feeling

blessed and thankful. Again, thank you soo much for all the blessings.

So, how’d your Sunday turned out?

And oh, don’t forget to join The Sunday Currently link-up by siddathornton!