Inhale. Exhale. Breathe. As I am typing each letters of this entry, I am listening to One Last Cry Instrumental cover- so that I would be able to feel the right emotions and write down my thoughts towards my feelings for you- to let it all out. To be honest, this is all I wanted. A goodbye letter to you. I wanted this all along, because you keep on haunting my mind and invading my heart, well in fact, you should not. I know, this is not your fault. I am not blaming you, nor blaming myself. Nobody’s fault actually, it just happened.
I really do not know why I was into you. I was very attached- in a way that I was able to wrote several poems for you which you never knew. I listen to beautiful melodies and all I imagined was the two of us. There’s a time that you haunt me even in my dreams- It was funny that in my dreams I was able to talked to you, eye to eye contact which in reality never happened- will never ever happen; and in my dreams I met your whole family. Funny, right? What a weird dream! There’s not a day that I never thought of you. You are always on my mind. Sounds cliche, but that’s the truth. I can only see once a week. I can only stare at you for like, 10-20 seconds but I am completely contented. I am already happy. But………….
I already knew that it’s impossible that we could happen- that we could be friends. Even, just friends. Still not gonna happen in reality. Before, I was still hopeful that maybe someday it could be but now? Not anymore. I give up. Again, I give up. IT’S HOPELESS. You will never ever like me back. (sad thing) But, that’s ok. Uhm, I am not lying. It’s definitely fine. I am kinda sad, disappointed but I am not broken, I am not hurting inside. I am just sad. Bakit pa kasi ikaw yung napili kong magustuhan? Well, we cannot choose whom we would fall for. It just happen.
So far, I did not regret anything. Wasting my time on you knowing that you would never do the same. I am still thankful, because for a short period of time. I felt kilig and happy. Nang dahil sayo, mas nakilala ko ang sarili ko- na kaya ko pa lang gawin ang mga bagay na yun. Kaya, salamat. Salamat pa rin sayo. I know, you are single. I do hope you will find your happiness. Kung saan ka masaya; I wish that, we will both find our true happiness.
Goodbye. I will no longer care anymore because if I do, paano kita makakalimutan? If ever, we will bump each other, I will pretend that I do not know you at all. Ganun ka din naman sa akin, diba? Patas lang. I will shut my feelings for you. But before that, there’s one more thing I wanted to do- just to let you know. Hopefully magawa ko siya. Sana. I will have the courage to do it. Always remember, I will never forget that once in a lifetime, I have known you and I had feelings for you, in some way. That you are my greatest crush or my greatest infatuation. Again, good bye and live your life the way you want it.
P.S. Ang drama ko talaga. ahhaah! But I did learn something, na hindi lahat ibibigay sa yo. Kailangan mong hintayin ang talagang para sayo. In time, alam kong, ibibigay niya yun. Sa tamang panahon at pagkakataon.